We're losing our minds.
Taylor and I, wearing our naivety right on our sleeves, made our way to the final stage of Nuclear Throne a few hours of game time back. We thought wistfully of our impending victory. We thought we were on the very precipice of glory, of finally ascending the Nuclear Throne. And now, here we sit, 5 sessions after the fact with essentially nothing to show for it. For reference's sake, here's a list of things we could've accomplished in the twelve hours we've spent thrashing our bodies against the wasteland:
- Read the entirety of Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights
- Learn the basics of how to play Flamenco guitar
- Smoke approximately 10 pounds of Texas-style brisket
- Call our parents and tell them we love them
- Organize and successfully run a hobo gang that steals from the rich and gives to the richer
- Create a stage adaptation of The Martian, except every actor is replaced by a weiner dog
- Purchase a White Castle franchise and turn it into an American Gladiator arena called Fight Castle
- Go back in time and sock Hitler right in the mouth
- convince Carlos Santana to join you on a mission to find Earth's only remaining Blockbuster
- i'm dying on the inside
Just... just watch the videos. Here's act 11.
And here's act 12.
Watch, children. Learn from our mistakes. Use our failures to vault yourselves to a place where dreams don't die, and life makes sense, and Lil' Hunter isn't waiting for you around every corner.