On The Download Issue 21: Compulsive Hoard-ing
This edition of On The Download addresses the dangerous mental, social, and emotional disorder known as Hoarding. Hoarders are people who feel they need to hold on to everything they’ve ever touched. They’re lonely. Emotionally lost. This week we’ll be taking a look at a handful of dragons effected by Hoarding on a Playstation Network game that allows players to Hoard the
finest shiniest item on the planet: Gold.
What qualifies as hoarding, really? It’s not simply acquiring things; it’s acquiring things that may be useless, broken, unsanitary, or otherwise dangerous to the owner. What use is gold to a Dragon, anyway? They can’t exactly go to the supermarket for some baked ham, or buy a nice dress they saw in the window - no. They simply keep the gold for the gold’s sake alone, and it’s incredibly dangerous to themselves and those around them.
Hoarding is a very serious issue, and it becomes even more of a hindrance when there are multiple parties involved. In the case of Hoard up to four
people Dragons can be effected at any one time. Regardless of lame attempts to cover their social awkwardness with various colorful appearances, these dragons are a major detriment to their society.
We were unable to interview any victims of Hoard, simply out of personal risk due to a dragon’s natural napalm. We will however, give you a few signs that will help identify if you should worry about your fellow dragons.
1. Compulsive fire-breathing. If your friends hiccup with a bit of flame out of any airway passage, they’re probably burning down villages and village carts for Gold on the side.
2. Your friends suddenly band together to get a “new place” somewhere stashed neatly between trees, mountains, or cliffs. This is likely a Gold Den and should be reported as such.
3. Unwillingness to hang out in any game other than Hoard, or they’ll alternate with buddies - not willing to leave the stash completely unattended. They’re probably worried about their -high-score- gold, believing they must guard their den with all of their energy at all times.
4. Princesses held captive in their wings, clutched in their hands or feet, or signs that this has happened recently (Arrows in their body, piercings from knights lances, etc.) are all signs they’re up to no good. Princesses are the gateway gold.
5. Your friends list Gold as their favorite things when asked what they’d like for dinner, what games they’d like to play, or what movie they’d like to watch. This clearly demonstrates their obsession, deeming them too distracted to function in any other activities.
To deal with this problem, offer to help them out in a game of Hoard (Beware the draw of Gold can be nearly irresistible). Or, contact your local Co-optimus staff member to intervene. They’ll show them the benefit of playing together without becoming overly obsessed while explaining the benefits of things other than gold.
Don’t worry though, new DLC in Hoard will give them alternate means to get their fix, hopefully expanding their horizons for future addictive co-op PSN titles on their own.
New in DLC/Download
Monday Night Combat will be on Steam next year, but pre-order people will get a hand in on the beta before the title is released. For PSN and XBLA users X-men Arcade is A-live! complete with up to six player online co-op, or 4-6 player local co-op. It’ll be a riot.
Dead Rising 2: Case West will be out by the new year complete with a second co-op character and the return of the mighty camera. I for one can’t wait for more content from Dead Rising 2. Seriously.
Free for You
Finally, some crazy full-game action is here with Harms Way from none-other than Doritos. Play as a team of racers, or mix-and-match racers and turrets (to eliminate competition, obstacles, etc) to win the day as a co-op against AI matchup.
- xbox live arcade,
- on the download,
- monday night combat,
- playstation network,
- dead rising 2 case west,
- x-men arcade,
- harms way