Co-Optimus - News - This Week In Co-Op: Didn't Happen, Connectivity Issues To Blame

Gears of War 2

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  • Couch Co-Op: 2 Players
  • LAN Co-Op: 5 Players
  • + Co-Op Campaign
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  • + Combo Co-Op
This Week In Co-Op: Didn't Happen, Connectivity Issues To Blame
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This Week In Co-Op: Didn't Happen, Connectivity Issues To Blame

So it’s time for another round of co-op gaming. Since we were both in the mood for some manly men accompanied by some hot, chainsaw on Locust action, Katrina and I were looking to go old school with a little Gears of War 2. I don’t know if it actually meets the definitions of ‘old school,’ but let’s just say it hasn’t been spinning in my machine lately.

I’ve been having some problems with my Internet connection. I use Time Warner Cable, and my Xbox 360 is hard wired into a high speed connection. Usually, it works just fine, but for the past month the little elves that run the whole show have been a little lazy, or drunk, or dead. They randomly close up shop and leave only one little light on. Sometimes one light blinks slowly, on and off, on and off, like some deranged geriatric elf with a Clapper. The little party elf that gets stuff done with his orange strobe light is nowhere to be found. Damn elves. I trust them to make cookies, sure, but not to send and receive my bytes and bits. And they seem to be their laziest, or drunkest, or deadest, when the 360 is on. So when I go to power up Gears of War 2 and it tells me an update is available (told you, it’s been a while), my tiny tower of elves turns into an abandoned derelict, not a single light is on.

The issues didn't look so scary at the time...

Never fear! I also have a Verizon Mifi. The Verizon gnomes never tire, and their steady flashing green strobe light pumps information in and out of my laptops with ease. I quickly yank the Ethernet cable out of my 360, attach the Wifi adapter, and presto-chango! I’m ready to rock and roll. I download the update in ten, count’em, ten seconds. Now to join Katrina for HORDE MODE. I’m excited. I haven’t played since they’ve introduced the leveling system.

But what’s this? What are you saying to me, oh Oracle of Xbox LIVE -What’s this about my NAT? What do you mean, little gnomes of the Mifi? Why are you set to MODERATE, when it is OPEN that I need? The bane of Verizon Mifi, I cannot change the NAT to open. My little UN translators can’t learn a new language, even if I send them to night school. So I can join some games, but not others? Cannot join Xbox LIVE party? How the heck are we supposed to communicate without voice chat? What is this? PlayStation Network?

What message will you have for me tomorrow, oh Xbox LIVE? Yes, I’ve restarted my modem. Yes, my router is set above the minimum required doodads and whats-its. Do you know why I game on a console? So I can just jam plugs into ports and play. If I wanted to be changing system settings I’d get a PC! Damn you Xbox LIVE!

Meanwhile, in Colorado.