Welcome, all, to a tale of humor, depravity, despair, and most importantly, soccer. In a new feature for Co-optimus, myself (Enoch Starnes) and Taylor Killian will embark upon a quest foretold in the stars themselves. Some say that the gods of soccer contacted our heroes via the night sky, others say it was the universe itself aligning just so. Whatever the case, their message was clear: "The two of you must guide the proud but lowly Southend United Football Club from League 2 obscurity to the glory of the Premier League and beyond (in the videogame, FIFA 15)."
Not ones to question the mystical forces of our plane, we dutifully grasped our Playstation 4 controllers and set out to do just that.
Of course, we're ignoring the true star of our tale. No one yet knows of his origins, or how he came into the position of "Manager of Southend United", but they know one thing.
Chester McSlappy is bound for immortality, and also super dirty tactics.
Now, will you, dear reader, join us in our quest? Will you laugh with us, cry with us, yell about how blind the ref is with us?
Quick note - We apologize for the time spent testing the stream near the beginning of the archive, and any dead spots spent checking the comments. We're, like, super new to this. Both issues should be alleviated in the future.
Speaking of tonight, you can look forward to our final friendly game, along with McSlappy's inaugural competitive match as Shrimpers Manager. Will Southend finally win a friendly? Will Barry "Beredith" Corr recover in time to feature in the Year of our Lord, 2015? Find out that and more tonight.
Game for Funsies - Morecambe - 6:30
Friendly - Perth Glory - 48:49
Friendly - Derby County - 1:15:07