This page is devoted to showing you that not only kid's games get this kind of co-op half-assery.
They couldn't even give player 2 a guns muzzle, or part of the screen.
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare and Call of Duty: World At War (Wii) - Do floating heads creep you out? What about floating cross-hairs? In Call of Duty, that seems to be all they're willing to give you as a co-op partner if you're trying to play co-op on the Wii. A second player is able to pop in at any time, but they're not given a human vessel to occupy - it's more what you might call, a floating reticle with a supplementary ammo bar on the screen. There are privates, sergeants, lieutenants and bitches in the Wii army, and player two only gets one of those ranks.
Sure, you can play with me, only I get to decide what you get for it. MUAHAHAHAHA!
Fable 2 - Peter Moleneux always dreams big with his games, promising us the world (or in this case, co-op) and delivering just a little shy of the goal. People say it's because he's ahead of his time, but we're pretty sure co-op has been done right before. Fable 2's Be my bitch co-op is a doozy. You are player one. You are the hero with the tattoos and cool armor, and awesome awesomness. Player 2 (or, everyone else in the game) starts out as many things do; as an orb. Then, if that player enters the game, they become something of a lowly henchman, tagging along in Player 1's storyline and Player 1's side quests. Player 2 can take the gold earned from the game with player 1 - but only in the amount player 1 designates for the session. Minimum wage makes Fable 2 henchman something, something.
Now, say "boooooo!"
Demon Souls - Ever had that feeling like someone is watching you? Demon Souls takes that feeling very literally when they put Co-op gameplay in their world. In Demon Souls, you quest to win the day on your own - that is, until you wander into the cave of some too-powerful beast to meet your very messy untimely demise. As a ghost in the Demon Souls world, you can earn your shell (body) back in one of two ways. One way, is to be that jackass ghost that pushes people down the stairs...with a sword - you will run around and defeat other players to earn that body back. If you're taking a more Casper approach to haunting, you're given a pseudo co-op option where your ghost will assist some other player in their own quest. They win against the big bad guy, and you get your body back if you are both successful. Did we mention you're a ghost...and your only reward for cooperating is to "respawn?"
This has been the Co-optimus "Bring Your Own Bitch" co-op list. Do you have anything not-quite-co-op to add that fits this list? We'd love to hear it! Otherwise, we greatly encourage you to go out and ask someone to be your bitch - Er, of course we mean play co-op!
Editors note: Don't get us wrong, co-op in any form is greatly appreciated. We just prefer when our player two looks more like Marsellus Wallace, and less like a bitch.