We've got a most intriguing issue of On the Download lined up for you, including our very special centerfold guest of the week. They're hot, they're bothered, and they've got guns. On the list this issues feature is also the "Zombie Island of Doctor Ned" of Borderlands, and an interview with Josh Stone of Resident Evil 5 on surviving the "Desperate Escape" alongside R.E. veteran Jill Valentine.
This week in Co-Optimus investigates, we uncover two undead mysteries in two different locations. The first takes us to Africa, where vile, greedy scientists have been experimenting on the locals using a Progenter virus. A virus so hideous, it combines zombies and bug-infestations and makes the locals not-very-nice. The second, on an Island called Jacobs Cove in Pandora, evil scientis-
Dr. Ned - "That's "Mad scientist," Get it right. My not-the-same-guy-brother Zed never could, and he lost his license to practice - making him a not-doctor at all! He ain't nothin' but a badlands vendor."
My apologies, Doctor. "Mad Scientist," Dr. Ned, has been experimenting on the locals to create a whole new breed of Zombies, and a few wereskaggs and other monstrosities for our entertainment.
Dr. Ned - "And now I have to try to kill you, like them mercenary fellers you sent to "help" us, leadin' them to discover my secrets in the first place. Try to be a nice guy, then people can't mind they own business..."
Excuse me, Dr. Ned - you're supposed to be waiting for your interview, which isn't scheduled for another 20 minutes. There's a chair over there, see. It says "Dr. Ned." There is only one doctor wearing a mustache on his medical mask in this room - and he should be sitting in that chair. Thank you. Now, we have Josh Stone with us, survivor of the latest Resident Evil 5 DLC titled "Desperate Escape." We're curious, Josh, about some of the details surrounding that adventure.
Now, Josh, We noticed at the end of the first game that you somehow joined up with Jill and ended up with a helicopter. Can you tell us a little about that?
Josh Stone - "Sure, man. First, I stumbled on an unconscious Jill Valentine. My hero worship kicked in momentarily and I promised to protect her in my mission to relocate my own comrades, Chris and Sheva. Then we had to send a transmission, warn-"
Dr. Ned - "Oh blah-blah-blah. I created Zombies, man! When's it my turn in this place?"
Dr. Ned, I won't ask you again. Please have a seat and wait your turn. Josh, sorry for the interruption, please continue.
Josh Stone - "Sure. As I was sayin', we had to make a transmission. That's not easy in the middle of nowhere with a wild Wesker out to unleash the Ouroboros Plague on the world, ya know? So, Jill and me, we joined up and headed toward a transmission facility on our way to meet up with my old buddy Doug in his chopper. This was just the first part of the game, ya know? There was a lot of hackin', slashin', and loads of bugged-out Majini. Some of the big fat guys, some of the chainsaw gu-"
Dr. Ned - "Yea yea, I made Tankenstein monsters, and hybrids of two of my hunch-back assistants! I did this by myself, not with no 'co-op' help! I got a question for ya: Does your DLC make amazing nods to all-things-horror. We reference things from Scooby Doo to Pumpkinhead, how about yours?"
Josh Stone - "Well, not exactly. According to Ms. Valentine, we've merely spent the past two decades referencing ourselves. Fans seem to like it, including our lovely interviewer here."
Thank you for that, Josh. If you'll excuse me one moment. I'm really sorry about him. Dr. Ned, I'm going to put your chair - the one with your name on it - outside. You can wait there for a moment. Enjoy the sunshine. Anyway, please continue.
Josh Stone - "Alright. So, after the transmission was sent, me and Jill went to meet with Doug. His chopper was important to getting out of the mess we'd found ourselves into, and rescuing Chris and Sheva before it was too late. So, we get to the rendezvous, and Doug isn't there! He said he got held up - so we had to wait for him. A timer suggested we'd have to wait 5 minutes. Longest 5-minutes of my life, man."
I'll bet. Please, tell us how your story ends, before that asinine Dr. Ned figures out how to unlock the door.
Josh Stone - "Well, as the full games final cutscene suggests, we arrive without Dou-"
Dr. Ned "Yea well, at the end of your DLC was ther-" *BLAM*
Ladies and gentleman, Josh just did us a favor and shot Ned in the face. Thus bringing our interview to an abrupt, but probably necessary end. We will pick this up next week after we've cleaned up the pieces of Dr. Ned. Play the DLC to see the endings, we don't dig spoilers here.
We will say that the Resident Evil 5 DLC "Desperate Escape" is a very intense survival situation. We were filled in on a few plot points from the main game, and asked to survive a LOT of Majini. The Borderlands DLC "The Zombie Island of Dr. Ned" was a wholly different experience. The DLC made countless horror genre references, as well as some pretty interesting dialog and story. To me, it made up for the fact that Borderlands itself had a pretty shallow story.
I highly recommend the "Zombie Island of Dr. Ned," and enjoyed my time with the "Desperate Escape" even if it stressed me out a bit (5 minutes on a crowded, tiny heliport with never ending spawns of Majini of various types. Yea). Now for our newest feature: Co-op Centerfold, check it out on the second page.