Good afternoon, everyone. I've brought you here today to discuss a topic very near and dear to our hearts: E3 Hype Safety. Now, I know last year was particularly bad - we lost 22 men and women to incorrect hype protocols, and that's not even counting the Last Guardian debacle - but let's bounce back this year and prove that we're not the most easily hyped demographic in all of human history. With that in mind, I've got a few extra tips for those of you eagerly awaiting Sunday's conferences:
- Please, please remain seated at all times. Remember what happened to Jacob Upstein when he happened to be grabbing a soda during the Scalebound trailer? Poor fella launched straight into space and is currently orbiting the ISS.
- If at all possible, maintain your distance from friends and family during especially intense moments. Last year, Lauren Cruxley yelled "Let's do the Shenmue Shuffle!" into her husband's ear 83 consecutive times until he finally called up his lawyer and drew up a restraining order on the spot.
- Always remember to keep your expectations tempered. Let us never forget the time that Donald Freeman rolled his eyes so hard at the Fable: The Journey announcement that he became legally blind. We pray that fate does not strike another.
Right, now that's out of the way, let's get to the action. This weekend, we'll be filling our non-coverage hours with bouts of DC infighting, pathfinding, and waaaaagh ...ing. Check it!
Tally Callahan - "Guild Wars 2's PVP and starting a brand new campaign in Pathfinder Adventure Card Game: Wrath of the Righteous (we finished our first complete campaign this week!)."
Taylor Killian - "I'll be celebrating the announcement trailer of Injustice 2 by playing the first Injustice. I might also crack into my life of crime in Grand Theft Auto 5."
How about you? Do you have any games on the agenda, or are you too busy practicing proper fist-pumping techniques? Let us know in the comments!